


Things Unsaid

by Alpacapricot



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Red & Green & Blue & Yellow | Pokemon Red Green Blue Yellow Versions
Genre: Bullying, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, chatty!Green, selective mute Red, selective mutism, silent!Red
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 15:23:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17428517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alpacapricot/pseuds/Alpacapricot
Summary: Red is not mute. He still can't talk. And maybe it isn't so wrong after all.Snippets of Red talking and not talking.





	Things Unsaid

"Who can tell me what the water type is effective against ?" asks the teacher.  
"Fire ground and rock." Red answers automatically.  
"That's great, but you need to raise your hand before answering please." The teacher gently reprimands. "Now, what is water type _not_ effective against ?"  
"Water grass dragon."  
Red puts his hands on top of his mouth but the answer is already fired. The teacher frowns at him. "Your hand please."  
Red nods. At the next question, he silently mouths the answer.

***

One of the other kids stops right in front of his face at recess.  
"Hey stupid, what's electricity weak against ?"  
"Ground." Red immediately answers.  
"So you recognize yourself when I call you stupid ! Ha ha ha, you really are !"  
He laughs, the other kids laugh. Red looks at the ground.

***

He doesn't feel very well that morning.

In fact, he feels like he's just about to puke. Maybe it's something he ate at breakfast. Either way he needs to go to the bathroom. He raises his hand.

"Yes Red ?"

He opens his mouth, but he doesn't know how to formulate his request in a way that won't result in mockery. He searches for words, any words, but his feverish mind can't find any. Desperate to get our of here quickly to puke his brains out he just points to the door. He must look just as sick as he is because the teacher allows him to go.

He's in such a rush he doesn't hear any laugh following him.

***

"Just ignore them. When they see that they don't get a reaction out of you, they'll get bored and leave you alone." His mother advices.

So he just stares at them silently when they get in his face.

"What is it ? You like it when we shove you around ? Is that what you mean ? If it's not you just have to say it you know."  
Red looks at his feet and try to walk around them. The big one pushes him into the wall.  
"Eeew he just kissed the wall ! Only retards do that !"

Ignoring them doesn't work very well. But he doesn't have any better technique.

***

"So in this situation which Pokémon would attack first ?"  
Red raises his hand and waits for the teacher to say "Yes, Red ?" before he opens his mouth.  
He feels the glare of the big kids on his neck.  
The answer is lodged in his throat and refuses to move further. He frowns, tries to force it. It just won't come out.  
The teacher looks at him in confusion. He lowers his eyes.  
He can hear snickers behind him.

***

The big kids are at it again. One of them has taken his cap and is waving it around, saying "Wow, thank you so much for giving me this hat. I think I'm going to shred it and give it to my dog to eat. You can have it back after that. You're okay with this, right ? You'd like that don't you ?"  
The other kids are chorusing a "eeeeew"  
Another kid snatches the cap from his outstretched hand. "Hey, Green ! That's not yours !" the bully shrieks.  
"Not yours either." The other kid, Green, calmly states. He puts the cap on top of Red's head. "Here. You should defend yourself better. You're making it easy for them."  
Red wants to thank him. But he's gone by the time the words die on his lips.

***

Red spends most of his free time playing with the Pokémons at Professor Oak's lab. Pokémons don't make fun of him when he talks, or when he doesn't. Sometimes Green is here to help take care of them. Green doesn't like him very much, but he leaves him alone most of the time. So it's okay.

Green isn't like Red. He's always chatty. When he takes care of the Pokémons he's always rambling at them about everything. Red thinks it's a bit stupid since the Pokémons can't understand most of what he says to them. But the bullies don't bother Green. Red thinks it's not very fair, but it's not like he wants Green to be bullied. So he just leaves him alone too.

***

The teacher distributes the text they are studying today. She asks each pupil to read one paragraph aloud. Red can feel the dread building in his stomach as it comes closer and closer to his turn. Finally the kid on his left is done. Red looks resolutely at the paper. The teacher says "Leaf, your turn." and the girl on his right starts to read.

The teachers don't ask him questions anymore. It's less stressful.

But it's also a bit lonely.

***

Spring leaves place to Fall. With the change of class level Red gets a new teacher. When she calls his name he silently raises his hand. Then she asks each kid what they like the most. Red draws a pokéball and turns the paper toward the teacher. She looks a bit puzzled but moves on.

At the end of the day when Red's mother comes to collect him, the teacher asks her. "Is Red mute ?"  
His mother looks confused. "He doesn't talk much but..." Both women sneak a look at Red. Red looks at his shoes.

On the way home his mother asks : "Do you never talk in class ?" Red shakes his head. "Why not ?" Red licks his lips. His voice his small when he tries to answer. "I try but... can't." His mother frowns. "Can't ? What do you mean by that ? Can you explain ?" Red looks at the path. He can't.

***

The new teacher wants to make Red talk. She keeps him after class to talk to him one on one, several times. "Is it _can't_ or _won't_ ?" "Why won't you talk ?" "Can you explain ?" "Can you write to explain ?" "You don't want to talk to me, why ?" "Did I do something ?" "Is there something you're afraid of ?"

The questions are always the same. Red still doesn't have any answers. At the end, the teacher says "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." Red agrees. But it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't know what, precisely, is wrong with him.

He just knows that the more time passes, the more difficult it is to work his throat.

By the time he gets his first Pokémon he hasn't spoken a word for months.

***

Journeying is a lot easier than going to school. His Pokémons don't ask him to explain himself with words. Together they work to understand each other. They share the same limitations and so they all pay attention to all the nuances of body language. Red thinks he understands his Pokémons better than the other trainers because of it.

The other trainers like to yell their orders at their Pokémons. Red teaches them strategies ahead of time and they only need a gesture to know which one to execute.

Sometimes, when he's alone, he says a few words to himself. Just to make sure that he hasn't actually turned mute. At Pallet, even alone in his room, he couldn't. He couldn't shake the feeling that if he managed to say something, someone was going to spring out of nowhere and laugh at him. Alone in the woods, he can voice a word or two. But his voice sounds weird. So he never does it for long.

***

It's uncanny how frequently he runs into Green. Sure, they come from the same place and are going through the same cities. So it makes sense that they would see each other from time to time. If it was any other kid from their hometown Red would think that they would be purposely following him around to bother him. But for all his abrasiveness Green isn't a bully.

Green isn't like the other trainers either. The orders he yells at his Pokémons are short and precise. Like codewords. Like Red's gestures. And he always take a second to congratulate a returned Pokémon before sending the next one. But out of combat he's the opposite of Red. He's even more a chatterbox than back at Pallet, and that's saying something. It seems like he can't stop talking about anything and everything. "How's your Pokédex coming ? Isn't it crazy how many different kinds are everywhere ? Did you catch this one ? How about this one ?" "You got better since last time, but I'm still the best ! I can give you some tips if you want. Not that it would make you beat me, but it would help against others." "Did you already get Surge's badge ? He wasn't much better than Misty, right ? Ah but with your Pokémons types it might have been a bit harder for you. I was thinking of going to Saffron next but I heard the road's closed, can you believe that ? I'm not sure where to go next instead."

Red never does more than nod or shake along the rambling. It seems to satisfy Green because he never asks him to talk. He just tells his monologue and after a stupefying long time concludes with "Well, I have places to be. Smell ya later !"

And they always do.

***

Green isn't so chatty after Red beats him at the Elite Four.

Professor Oak launches into a monologue while Green sulks in the corner. Then the professor gets to work on the Hall of Fame computer to record every bit of data about both Green and Red's teams. Then it's Lance's turn to start talking.

"I know you must be tired after today's battles" Lance says "so we'll take care of all the paperwork tomorrow. But it is customary to deliver a statement to the press as soon as possible. And with the two of you becoming Champions in such a short window the press will be out for your blood. But, hum, in a less ominous way than I made it sound." he says with an awkward chuckle. "So let's do it in order and start with Green. What do you want to put in your statement ? Usually Champions talk about what they love the most about Pokémons, what was the most difficult part of their journey, that sort of thing. But it's up to you."

Green's sulky mood seems to brighten a bit at the opportunity to talk about himself. As he talks, and talks, and talks, Red grows more and more uneasy. Because at some point it's going to be his turn. And the more Green talks, the more contrast it will put between them.

Finally when Green takes a short pause to breathe Lance cuts him with "Well that's more than enough material for a short statement thank you. Now, what about you Red ? What do you have to say about becoming a Champion ?"

Red looks at Lance.

Lance looks at Red.

Green looks between them while biting his lip.

"Well uh, if you don't have any idea... How long did it take you to collect the badges ? That's always a good start."

Red raises two fingers, but even this simple motion is hesitant under the heavy look of Lance and Green. Somehow he can feel the pressure of Professor Oak's gaze as well even though it's not logical at all since he's still working on the recording machine and not even listening.

"I... what... ?" Lance says in confusion.  
"He's not going to say anything, he can't talk." Green finally says.  
Lance turns toward him.  
"What ?" Then, toward Red. "You're mute ?"  
Red shakes his head, because he isn't.  
"So you _can_ talk... ?"  
Red shakes his head. He instinctively lowers his eyes to the table.  
"He's not mute but he can't talk, don't ask me why. Anyway we got our starters two months ago. You can write that the hardest thing was traveling alone at ten or something, I don't know, make shit up. Is that thing even important ? Come on we battled all day it can wait until tomorrow." Green is talking quickly, even more than usual.  
"One moment." Lance says to Green before reporting his attention toward Red. "I'm sorry I didn't notice earlier. But it's no problem, you can just write down what you want to say and we'll have someone say it to the camera. It's like having a translator."  
And he turns his pen and paper toward Red.

Red gulps and takes the pen.

What does he want to say ?  
What can he say ?

The stares against his skull make it difficult to think. His hand trembles. He can feel a ball growing in his throat and choking him.

"Red ?" Lance asks. "You... can write, right ?"  
Red shakes his head because, right now, he can't.  
"You... don't know how to write."  
"Of course he knows how to write ! Do you think he's retarded ?" Green interjects.  
"But, why ?" Lance says while gesturing toward Red.  
"We're fucking tired that's why. Leave him the fuck alone !"  
"What ? I'm not assaulting him !"  
Red can feel tears gather in his eyes, clouding his vision. The pen trembles in his hand.  
"Right, right. Let's leave it at that for now." Lance finally says. He pinches the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry, I forgot that the two of you are... well, children. I'll have the PR department take care of it. You two can go if you want and we'll see tomorrow about the rest."

Red stands up so fast his chair clatters to the ground.

***

The following days Lance asks a lot of things from Red. Posing for photos, putting his signature everywhere, smiling to the camera... Red can barely nod or shake and Lance grows more and more frustrated. Finally, they are done. And Red can go back to the road where everything is more simple.

Except that now the other trainers want to talk with him. And they get angry when Red won't say a thing to them.

So now Red trains where there aren't other trainers.

***

He still talks to himself, alone, sometimes. It comforts him to know that he can. He just wish he knew why he can't.

***

Green looks just as surprised to see him as Red is.

"Red ?! Is that you ? No one has seen you in ages. Well it's good to see you 'cause I'm completely lost. Care to share your hideout for a night ?"

Red smiles. He's missed Green's chatter.

But Green is not, in fact, quite as chatty as before. He doesn't ask many questions and talks slowly to his Pokémons. When they get to Red's cave to get shelter for the night, Green occupies himself with a book instead of assaulting Red with blabber.

Red takes out his Pokégear and types down 'You used to talk more.' Then he gives it to Green.

Green eyes him curiously as he takes the item. He reads, then snickers.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry about that, I know it's annoying. It's an anxiety thing. When I get stressed, I blabber. Drowns the voices in my head you know ?" Green looks a bit embarrassed as he says this. "But I'm working on it." Green bites his lip. Like he wants to say more, but tries not to.

Red nods.

There's a long time where none of them say a thing. Then, Red slowly types something else and holds it to Green.

It says 'I think I'm the same.'

Green hums.

"I can recommend a therapist."

***

Going back to a city is not as terrible as Red feared it would be. People don't really recognize him. Or they are too busy with their life to notice him.

He doesn't know why he's here. A therapist's job is to listen to you talk, right ? "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong" he remembers his primary school teacher saying. And he still doesn't know what's wrong.

When he's in the therapist office and he asks him "What can I help you with ?" Red gives him a paper with an answer written ahead of time. 'I can't talk and I don't know why.'

The therapist nods. "I see. And what would you like to do about it ?" At Red's frown, he elaborates : "Is it possible for you to talk when you're alone, or with your parents maybe ?" Red nods. "I see primarily two types of adults with selective mutism in this office." As he talks, he gets a piece of paper and draws a line on it.

"There's those who manage to live a somewhat normal life despite it." he taps the left extremity of the line with his finger. "They write, they text, often they are able to talk to the people they know well. Some of the people who fit this description never feel the need to seek treatment and are content with their life. The other type..." here he taps the other end of the line, on the right. "That's people who don't have a social life anymore, talk to only one person or no one, may have difficulties even writing or nodding in certain situations. So. Where would you situate yourself ?"

Red hesitates. Before the therapist started his speech Red didn't even think that other people had the same problem. And some had it worse ?

Slowly, Red brings out his hand and taps a point close the right end.

"I see. Well, you manage to communicate with me just fine." he says with a tap on Red's written message "That's an excellent start. And what is your goal ? Being able to speak with your friends, in a relaxed setting ? Being able to give public speeches ? Or something in between ?"

With that, he pushes a pad of paper and a pencil.

Giving speeches ? That doesn't sound like something he would ever be able to do. His life as of now... he doesn't really _need_ to speak. And this life is fine, just a bit... lonely at time.

What does he want ? Red takes the pencil, hesitates...

'I want to know why I can't.' he finally settles with.

The therapist reads the message then smiles at him.

"Then let's find out."

***

The therapist talks a lot about anxiety in his sessions. Red first corrects him : he doesn't have anxiety. "What does it feel like when you try to force yourself to talk, or when you're in a situation where someone expects you to ?" Red has to think about it for a moment. 'Like my throat physically closes' he writes down. Then he remembers the slightly uneasy feeling when the therapist's receptionist greets him and he can only wave hello. And that time with Lance when his trembling hand refused to work. He describes those and the therapist says "That's symptoms of anxiety."

Red frowns some more.

"Anxiety, as a medical condition, can manifest as a feeling of nervousness, apprehension or tension, with no precise reason or target. Does it sound a bit more like you ?"

Red shrugs. Maybe a bit, sometimes. But it doesn't sound right.

***

"My other patients have a group chat. Would you be interested in that ?"

Red nods. He's actually really curious about it. He has a hard time really believing that other grown people have the same problem.

The group chat is strangely lively for being made entirely of silent people.

 

clefairy_rose : said thanks to the cashier today !!  
i-like-dragons-a-lot : nice ! proud of you !!  
flower~boy : gg !

TeaBiscuit : It's Christmas soon and my parents are going to cry if I don't come over. Problem : they constantly shame me and bugger me to speak. Advice ?  
clefairy_rose : let them cry >:(  
TeaBiscuit : Tempting, but I want to give them a chance.  
Konnichiwa : I have the same problem but I still live at home cause I can't get a job :(  
TeaBiscuit : Aw :( If I find something that works I'll share.

flower~boy : Some trainer on the road said that I'm a bad trainer because I don't speak to my Pokémons :/  
clefairy_rose : lol what's the logic here ?  
flower~boy : They said it's about socialisation. For the record, I do socialise with my Pokémons.  
Coral : You can't speak even with your Pokémons ?  
flower~boy : No  
Coral : Damn that must be hard.  
i-like-dragons-a-lot: i'm sure you'll get here someday ! i was at that point too before i started therapy but i can chat to them no problem now !  
flower~boy : Actually I'm autistic and talking is physically uncomfortable for me so I avoid doing it whenever I can. And I'm pretty sure that's not going to change. But thanks for the vote of confidence.  
i-like-dragons-a-lot : ... shit. sorry bro, should have shut my mouth on this :x  
flower~boy : That's okay, it came from a good sentiment :) Don't loose your progress !

clefairy_rose : i've noticed that a few persons have joined the chat recently and haven't written anything yet. that's fine ! i'm just sharing again the link of the phone numbers for emergency services over text, in case you don't know them. stay safe !

Coral : we had a meeting at work and that's where i usually clam up. but i managed to ask a question in front of everybody !! big step !!!  
clefairy_rose : woohoo congratulations !  
Konnichiwa : Wow that's so cool, I'll never be able to do that...  
Coral : have more faith in yourself ! i come from a long, long way ! it takes a lot of work and time but it's possible !!

 

Red takes the habit of checking the chat in the long evenings alone in some cave or the other. He rarely participates himself. But it's nice, seeing other people being happy about something as simple as talking to a cashier. Being able to speak with their loved ones again. Making progress. He doesn't write a lot in the chat but still people ask him how he's going. They're friendly.

The next time he sees his therapist he writes on the paper 'I want to talk.'

***

The therapist gives him homework. He draws a ladder on a paper, with on each step something like "whisper a sentence to my Pokémons" or "say hello to someone close". On the next-to-last step there's "have a short conversation with a stranger in front of people (ex: cashier at the pokémart)". The last step is empty. "You need to find a goal that you really want to reach and put it here." the therapist says.

Red will think of this later because he has something else to figure out before he gets here. About half of the steps are about saying something to someone close.

Red doesn't have anyone close to him. Besides his Pokémons, that is. The therapist said that usually that person is a parent or sibling. Red only has his mother. The last time he saw her, he tried to say "hello" to her and she almost cried of joy. Ironically, her intense reaction made him even more anxious to try it again.

That really left only one other choice. Not because they were close, but because there was literally no one else possible.

'I saw that therapist.'  
'Cool, did he help ?' Green texts back a few minutes later.  
'A bit. I'm supposed to try to say 'hello' to someone familiar.'  
'That sounds like a good start.'  
'Can we meet so I can say hello to you ?'

This time the answer takes a bit more time to arrive.

'Are you still hiding on top of Mount Silver ?'  
'I'm at Whirl Islands right now.'  
'Throw in a Pokémon battle worth my time and I'm your man.'

***

Red can see the dark form of Green's Pidgeot from a far distance. He has plenty of time to prepare himself.

That means he also has plenty of time to get nervous.

When Green touches down he just says "Hey Red !"

And waits.

There's a few seconds of tense silence. Green makes a sort of encouraging gesture. Red's throat refuses to work. He shakes his head, feeling defeated. He made Green come all this way for nothing.

But Green doesn't seem angry or disappointed. He just shrugs and asks "So about the battle ?"

Red smiles. That, he can do.

They battle. Red wins. Green whines. Then Green asks if there's anything interesting about this place since he's here. Red grins and writes on his pokématos 'I think there's a legendary in the area but I haven't found it yet. Want to join ?'  
Green grins. "Can't say no to that."

It's only hours later when they're in the depths of the underwater caves trying not to get lost that Red whispers it. "Hello." Green looks back at him, surprised. A small smile is on his lips. "Hello too."

When they separate a few hours later, having concluded that it's very possible that a legendary was here at some point, Green makes him promise to text him if he has any new lead on a legendary. "Well, unless you prefer to stay on your own of course. I know I can be annoying." Green adds. Red shakes his head. Green smiles and grabs Pidgeot's pokéball. "Smell ya later !"

Red waves goodbye. And somehow the word "bye" makes it past his lips.

Green gives him a thumb-up and disappears in the sky.

***

He can almost hear his heartbeat in his eardrums. He chooses the check-out with the longest waiting line to give himself time to gather his wits. His turn still comes far too quickly. The cashier says "Hello".

Red puts his groceries on the belt. He manages to say "hello" but it's almost a whisper. And it's a moment too late to sound natural.

The cashier doesn't care. He quickly rings him up and announces the total. Red silently gives him cash. The cashier says "Thank you and have a nice day." Red takes again a moment too long to say "you too."

The cashier is already talking to the next person.

Red leaves the store with a spring in his step. That wasn't terrible at all.

***

Red writes "give an interview as a Pokémon champion" on top of the ladder, because that episode at the Hall of Fame still stings him as a failure in the middle of an important victory. That interview is so overdue he has to write "a champion" and not "the champion", because after he disappeared other people had beat the Elite Four and since he was not here to defend his title, it went automatically to the next victor. He figures he could also write "apologize to Lance" somewhere here.

He know he's still a long way from this goal. But he's making progress. That's more than he expected.

***

He's making progress, yes. It took a bit of work but it wasn't that hard to say hello/thanks/bye to store clerks or Pokécenter nurses. But when he tries to say more than that he hits a roadblock. It's been months and despite all his efforts he's not making any more progress. It's frustrating not being able to do something that simple even when you try your hardest.

He finally posts on the group chat. Not just a short 'congrats' toward someone else. And actual post, explaining his history and situation. And asking at the bottom this fateful question : why.

Most of the answers are others sharing their story, giving him some tips. Most talk about anxiety and ways to overcome it. He writes that he doesn't think he has anxiety.

Then there's a message that's a bit different.

flower~boy : Talking is simply not possible for me. Or at least very difficult and uncomfortable. (I'm autistic) When I need to talk to someone like a store clerk I type on my phone. It's not always the most convenient solution but it works for me. I have suffered from ton of therapists who tried to force me to talk. I'm more happy my way. You don't need to talk to exist.  
LadySurf : ^^^ THIS. Unpopular opinion in this group but it needs to be said !  
Coral : Yeah okay but that doesn't help.  
flower~boy : I think it does.

Red reads the comment five times.

Then he replies :

Red : @flower~boy. thanks.

***

He sees Green again when they go explore some remote island, following Lugia's trail again. Red is now able to say "hi" and "thanks" to Green without much trouble. He even manages to say "hyperpotion ?" when he needs one. He's rather happy about it.

At the end of the day when they prepare their camp for the night Green throws "So how's the therapy going ? You seem to be talking a bit more than before."

Red makes a gesture to tell him to wait and gets his phone.

'A bit, yes. But I think I will always be more comfortable just writing.'

Green reads the message. "As long as you can yell for help in an emergency." he say with a shrug. Red nods.

"So you're happy like this ?" Green asks and there's no judgement in his voice. Only concern.

Red nods.

Green looks at him in silence for a moment. Then he smiles, and nods.

***

It takes him a bit of time and a lot of work but he's able to say 'I love you' to his mom again. She cries a lot. It doesn't make him anxious anymore.

***

Red has to rummage for a long time in his bag to find back the paper with the ladder on it. Some things are ticked. Some things aren't. On top of the ladder sits the goal Red had written here months ago : 'give an interview as a Pokémon champion' Red takes a pencil and corrects the message. 'give a written interview as a Pokémon champion.'

***

He still spends most of his time alone, training in remote locations or searching for unusual Pokémons. Sometimes Green joins him for a day or two. He visits his mother every couple of months at least and he regularly texts her to let her know how he's doing. When he visits a town for supplies and someone recognizes him he makes an effort to say hi and answer a question or two. He seldom says more than a sentence at a time, but that's enough to make the other kid happy. Most importantly, it makes him happy. And he doesn't need anything more than that. 


End file.
